Thomas Hardy spoke of the Family Face:
I
am the family face.
Flesh
perishes. I live on.
Projecting
trait and trace
Through
time to times anon
And
leaping from place to place
Over
oblivion.
The
years-heired feature that can
In
curve and voice and eye
Despise
the human span
Of
durance –that is I:
The
eternal thing in man
That
heeds no call to die.
But what
about the Family Name? No, I’m not referring to the surname, with its national,
social and broadly historical associations. Our surnames, our last names, are
given us, usually without undue consideration, at birth and, if female, at
marriage. Typically our surnames are that quintessentially unquestioned part of
our destiny. Rarely, someone rejects his: becomes Malcolm X, or goes to court
to petition for a new name. Wanting a last name that was neither her parents’
nor her first husband’s, my Cousin Phyllis invented her own by combining two
ancestral surnames to form the double-barreled Lucas Haddow.
Speaking
of first husbands, mine came from a family whose name-change in the 1930s –
from the Jewish Cohen to the Scottish Colman – circumvented anti-Semitism, but
left a curious legacy; for it was the branch of the family that didn’t opt for
a legal name change that conspicuously prospered. As much as I admired my
cousin’s creativity in forming her own last name, when, following in her
footsteps, I divorced after seven years, I did my own version of trying to
elude the destiny mapped out for women by genealogy’s patronymics – by keeping
the name Colman. Reasoning that, after all, I was Scottish by descent, I made a
choice that caused a surprising amount of resistance and even indignation when
I refused to give up the name Colman, with which I had become identified, upon
re-marriage. All this cousinly messing about with surnames, though, is really a
case of the exception that proves the rule. On the whole the destiny implicit
in one’s surname is too deep, too integral a part of our social conventions to
resist.
But that
other name: our first name, the one that our parents chose for us lovingly and
very often in advance, with much pondering and discussion and deliberation, is
characteristically a Family Name of a more intimate kind. In theory, the more
intimate nature of this first name makes it our name of choice par excellence: if our last name
represents implacable destiny, then surely our first name represents our
individualism, our free will. Yet
curiously, the opportunity to exercise free will is clearly burdensome, for
however original we may think we are being in choosing our child’s first name, our
naming behavior is actually crowd behavior, and in this as in so much else, we
move and decide and create with the herd.
The year
in which I was born and named was a year in which a whole demographic swath of
parents of girls decided to kick over the traces and go with something
completely new. Thus I did not receive a Family (first) Name. And I find that
regrettable, somewhat.
The Appeal of a Family (first) Name
Girls
named after a beloved grandmother or aunt always seemed to me to be enviable,
their parents optimistic enough to rekindle a relative’s name, to re-route the
karma that had belonged to one of them, recently. How much more stable and,
well, familial to name a daughter Elisabeth or Catherine, after a recent
embodiment of those classic handles. These girls would likely grow up to be as
successful at housekeeping as they were in school, as involved in
dynasty-building as in climbing the career ladder.
But what
about the desire for novelty? For uniqueness? What about the desire to make
sure that one’s child is recognized as precious and rare? Born of a shrewd
sense of competition for survival, from its immediate manifestation as edginess vis-à-vis
one’s peers, to a daunting awareness of our infinitesimally small place in the
universe, this desire for novelty could dominate the game. It had been a long,
hard winter, and in addition to protecting the traveling monks, the pilgrims on
another search for redemption, you felt called upon to protect these rare
maidens, Pearls beyond price, whose names bespoke their fragility as well as
their uniqueness. Thus the Melodys, Emmelines, Guineveres, Corinnas, and
Phaedras. Hence too the more substantial Cornelias and Dianas, the Patricias
and the Constances, who come to the fore
whenever the romance of the slightly unusual is melded with a secure
sense of the present as an outcropping of the past. But when, to the contrary,
the sense of competition makes us feel edgy and anxious, and we long to triumph
over our rivals in nomenclature, we try to become prognosticators of tradition
and the individual reincarnate by choosing precisely those classic names that
are due for a second heyday, a comeback: Esther, Dido, Lavinia, Juliette, even
Antonia.
Or
again, seeking another mix of history with the arcane, we reach further back
into the ancestral line –– our own or another’s: it matters not. There we find Irises
and Junes, Phyllises and Valerys and Ferns.
Ancestral Names
What in
fact were my ancestors of the female kind named? (And why didn’t I get one of their names?) In
the near term they were Margaret and Maytie, Mildred and Phoebe and
interestingly, Zipporah. And further back where the females of the line tended
to dim next to the scions of patriarchy, one could still discern names familiar
as well as names of romance and intrigue: Jerusha, Dora, Irene, Bessie, Jemima,
Isobel (and Isabelle), Ruth, Nanny, Adelaide, Jane, Jean, Lillian, Maude,
Ethel, Jeneva, Mabel, Rosa, Darlene, Dolores, Barbara, Christina, and, of course,
Mary.
But such
noble forays into the past remained unrealized; these journeys were not to be
undertaken by my parents.
My birth
certificate was left blank. Was that because they had expected a boy? Perhaps. I
was to be my parents’ only child, so that may have been a reasonable expectation
from members of the World War II Generation (dubbed “the Greatest” by Tom
Brocaw). The postwar world was, after all, their oyster. But my name, when they
chose it, was not a family
name. No. It was a name that broke with the past. It was Linda.
From
1947 to 1952, Linda reigned as the most popular girl’s name in America. Flanked
at both the beginning and the end of her reign by Mary, Linda expressed, however
briefly, a generation’s confidence in a present, and a future, not beholden to
the past. When you named a girl Mary, you named her after a beloved, or
exemplary, grandmother or aunt; or if not a family member, you named her after
the best loved and most exemplary Mary of all: Mary Mother of God. Never mind that the infant dubbed Mary might turn into Mary
McCarthy or Mary Martin: she was first and foremost an embodiment of the
Christian feminine ideal. When you named a girl Linda you did not name her after any female relative:
(there were no grandmothers or aunts named Linda) you named her for the living
present, and for the future. It wasn’t even an English name; ‘Linda’ was a
Spanish word which, however, the Spanish would – for the most part – not be
caught dead using as a name.
And
Mary? Mary ruled the first half of the twentieth century, and overall, Mary had
the longest reign of any girl’s name during that 100-year span. The most
popular girl’s name from 1911 to 1946, and again from 1953 to 1961, when Lisa
made her appearance, Mary enjoyed the widest popularity of any girl’s name from
the first year that statistics were collected (1911) to the end of the century. In
the early 1900s, Mary couldn’t be touched: first Helen, then Dorothy, were a
distant second. Later, around the mid-1930s, Barbara and Patricia battled nobly
for second place, while Mary continued to enjoy her unquestioned supremacy.
Who were
all of these Marys, anyway? And what did they become? The Marys, like their
Victorian counterpart, Florence Nightingale, the lady with the lamp, were
themselves ladies, indeed women, of succor, of dedication, of redemption. They
were also ladies with the lamp in the (Henry) Jamesian sense, bringing culture
and enlightenment into the home while their men explored and exploited the
land, its people, and its venture capital.
Despite
their sporting struggle for second place, neither Barbara nor Partricia could
unseat Mary. Linda, unheard of in the early years of the century, arrived as a
sort of dark horse. First spotted in
1941, in the number five slot, Linda rose to #4 in 1942 and 1943, to #3 in ’44,
to #2 in ’45 and ’46, achieving the unthinkable in 1947, when for the first
time in that turbulent century, Mary was toppled from her throne; she would
appear only once more in the 1900s when, inspired by her rivalry with Linda,
she ended the latter’s reign, stemming the tide of late-century names for nine
years up until the emergence of Lisa, soon to be followed by Jennifer and
Jessica, Emily, ever-so-briefly Emma, and finally in 2009 and 2010, a name
which reaches back to the early days of many Anglo-American genealogical
charts: Isabelle.
Can we
really speak of a Rivalry between Mary and Linda? It seems to me that we can.
Though I can’t site any stats on first names and middle names, I am willing to
bet that the combination ‘Mary Linda’ occurs rarely if at all; while ‘Linda
Mary’ may be just a bit more frequent, as one can imagine the girl’s parents
wanting to hedge their bets by mitigating
the boldness and brashness of Linda with the most time-honored female
moniker of them all.
Linda: sculpture by John DeAdrea |
Indeed
Mary and Linda were, and are, like water and oil. Mary is the Virgin: the
mother, the seamstress, the intercessor, the ideal female. Linda is “pretty”. Or
rather let us say that Linda was pretty sure to be wherever Mary was not. If
Mary (Price) was at the hearth, Linda (McCartney) was on the road. If Mary
(Travers) was soulful, Linda (Ronstadt) was sexy. If there was something about
Mary, Linda (Hunt) was living dangerously. If Mary (R. Beard) was mainstream, Linda
(Nochlin) was in the vanguard. If Mary was at the center of things, Linda was
at the extremities. It was Linda Lovelace, the porn star, whose name became a
household word for kinky sex, not Mary Tyler More (Heaven forbid!) Businesses, like people, bear names that place them in time; if Mary Kay Cosmetics was a company for girlie girls and women, powered by housewives, lynda.com was a cuttig edge company offering educational software, and occupying a techy
niche that reflected its professorial founder's expertise.
niche that reflected its professorial founder's expertise.
So while
the Marys no doubt excelled, for decades, at motherhood and virtue, the Lindas,
who would come of age in the sixties and seventies, would be first and foremost
Experiencers of Everything about the sixties that was characteristic: college,
yes, greater independence, yes, and before the feminist movement in the seventies:
civil rights, and sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll.
I never
particularly liked the name. First of all because it is so common and has such
a definite timeline, to the extent that, today, the majority of women
(Caucasian and African American women, that is) named Linda are identifiably in
their sixties. The Asian Lindas are another matter: identifiably, for their
part, in their late forties-early fifties. So, too, the Lyndas:
fortyish-fiftyish, since spelling variations tend to be a latter-day
development.
Also
there was the fact that when you met someone Spanish or Mexican and told them
your name, they smiled. A Mexican friend once told me that no self-respecting
Mexican woman would name her daughter Linda – then mitigated the story somewhat
by remarking that a friend of hers – not Mexican – had named her daughter Linda
but ‘fortunately the girl was linda.’
But in the end, so, so many American women were named Linda that that name,
like Rose or Daisy or Iris, or Autumn or Summer – that name ceased to be
notable for its literal meaning, and instead became familiar, accepted, and
even familial.
Who,
then, were the Lindas who put the name on the map? Who are the Lindas whom we regarded in their
day, and who are the Lindas who will be remembered fifty or one hundred years
from now? Sing, Muse, the list of Lindas.
My Lindas
These
are my Lindas: (all around my age, who grew up in my neighborhood in Des
Moines, Iowa, or attended the Des Moines Public Schools at the same time I did)
:
Linda
White and Linda Moon, Linda Shiels and Linda Griffin (daughter of civil rights pioneer Edna Griffin), Linda Coon, Linda Hargrove
and Linda Groves, Linda Mason, Linda Laughlin, Linda Lekwa, and many more Lindas,
to be sure….
There
were no moms named Linda, no teachers, and certainly no grandmothers.
At the
University of Wisconsin there was my Allen Hall suitemate, Linda H (I’m working
on remembering your last name.)
At the
California College of Arts and Crafts, I took a class in pastel drawing from
Bay Area artist Linda K. Smith.
One of
the parents I met when my children attended Berkwood Hedge School in Berkeley
was Linda Hirshhorn, cantor and singer-songwriter.
My sister-in-law is Linda Enghausen.
My sister-in-law is Linda Enghausen.
Linda several decades on
Named in
the 1940s or later, having come of age in the sixties, seventies or later,
where is she now?
Animator: Lynda Weinman: founder of Lynda.com
Artist: Linda Howard, Linda K. Smith, Linda Stein, Linda Vallejo
Artist: Linda Howard, Linda K. Smith, Linda Stein, Linda Vallejo
Author: Linda Sue Park, Linda Ching Sledge, Linda
Laplante
Astronaut:
Linda M. Godwin
Astronomer:
Linda A. Morabito, Linda S. Sparke
Ballerina:
Linda Williams
Cartoonist:
Lynda Barry: Ernie Pook’s Comeek
CEO:
Linda Hudson, Linda McMahon, Linda Rosenberg
Chef: Linda
Goldberg, Linda Weiss
Civil
Rights Activist: Brown v. the Board of Education: Linda Brown
Classicist:
Linda Farrar, Linda Gillison, Linda M. Medwid
Clown:
Linda B. Levine
Composer:
Linda Buckley, Linda Tutas Haugen, Linda Catlin Smith
Congresswoman:
Linda Sanchez
Department
of Education: Linda gancitano
General:
US Army: Linda L. Singh, Linda R, Medler,
Gamer:
Linda Liao Pei Ling
Historian:
Linda Gordon, Linda K, Kerber, Linda Lear
Impressario:
Linda Clouette McKay
Judge:
Linda R. Reade
Mathematicians:
Linda Jo Goldway Keen, Linda Rothschild, Linda Furuto, Linda Bailey Hayden, and
more.
Opera
singer: Linda Esther Gray, Linda McGuire, Linda Watson
Philosophers: Linda Trinkhaus Zagzebski, Linda Martin
Alcoff, Linda Radzik, and more.
Physicists:
Linda Ayers
Poets: Linda Gregg, Linda Bierds, Linda Pastan
Rabbi:
Linda Henry Goodman, Linda Joseph, Linda Shriner Cahn
Rock
Singer-Songwriter: Linda Perry, Linda Ronstadt, Linda Thompson
U.S.
Supreme Court: covered by Journalist Linda Greenhouse
Yes,
Linda has had a pretty good run. In pretty good times. At heart an American name,
Linda expressed American ideals like democracy, equality, civil rights and civil
liberties. As for dethroning Mary, shall we declare the Revolution to be
complete? For Mary never again returned to her former place of unquestioned
supremacy. Yet even here, at the
antipodes of Mariolatry, we must confess that Linda is, after all, only a name,
while Mary remains a powerful archetype. In times of trouble Mary may indeed
make a comeback Linda, a name for a generation’s hopes, being all about the way
forward, cannot offer us consolation, or comfort us in our darkest hour. Mary,
the name for a timeless ideal, may be driven underground, but will never
entirely disappear. Today she waits in the shadows, watching our world hurl
itself ever more precipitately into the future, a future that will have a place – indeed, many places, for Linda, but for Mary, who can say?
"Let It Be"
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Ah, let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music,
Mother Mary comes to me
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Ah, let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music,
Mother Mary comes to me
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